Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have aggressive nipples.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
