3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
