he thought i was a dude.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
