If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
