My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im holly from the hills drunk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
