I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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