I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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