Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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