break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
