It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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