Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
