last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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