may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
