i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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