I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want to make out with him forever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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