i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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