Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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