I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
