I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
