I hate your face
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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