I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
