Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
