Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
