So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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