weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
