I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
