Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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