I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
