There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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