I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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