when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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