So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
