i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
