I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
