Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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