Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
