im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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