I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
