I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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