my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
