My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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