I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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