a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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