she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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