She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
