I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
