Your dad touched me again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
