So drunk its hurt
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
