Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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