My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
