Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
