dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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