I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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