ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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